Posts tagged personal
Confession
Apr 30th
I have to get this out into the open. There is someone else. I know, I know, I am married. But I have to share this. I am in love. In love with someone else. Yes, I still love my wife. But this other person challenges me. This other person pushes me. I feel incredibly loved by this person. I don’t know how this happened. It all started kind of matter of factly. One thing lead to another. Before I knew it, I felt like I was dating again. I would feel nervous at first but then I became comforted. I am able to be myself. It’s strange because I don’t feel guilty in any manner. It wasn’t hard to hide, actually it was quite easy. I remember thinking, “how can I be loved this much?” It’s not the first time I have been involved with another. This time is different though. There is chemistry and excitement. This other person isn’t flawless. The grass on the other side didn’t look greener, so to speak. This person was there waiting. This person was willing to give. This person expected nothing in return. The coolest part about this whole entanglement of relationships is that my wife is understanding about the whole situation. Oddly enough, this was meant to be. I never realized I could love anything or anybody as much as I love my wife but I do. This person I am speaking is Gracepoint Community Church. Shame on you for thinking I was a dog. I love my church. I love how much this church loves anyone else as well. It’s hard for me not to describe Gracepoint as “my” church. I am so proud of the church as a whole. It’s not perfect but it doesn’t try to be. Gracepoint is a beautiful mess of real people.
I think I might have OCD
Apr 16th
When I peel a banana I insist on tearing down the creases.
When I remove a switch plate to paint, I am meticulous about not scratching the screw heads paint. Of course after a few times of removing the plate, this is impossible. I just changed every socket and light plate within the upstairs of our home.
I check every expiration date on anything I think about putting in my mouth. If it expires today, trash. If it expires tomorrow I will smell it and have a little taste test. I do not eat two day later leftovers!
If I am reading and come across a word that I do not know it’s definition, I must look it up.
I will not use a 0.5mm mechanical pencil. It must be 0.7mm.
When loading the dishwasher all utensils must be facing up.
I adjust the bass, treble, and fade differently on each song I listen to create the best sound quality.
Father of Mine
Apr 1st
I forgot how much I loved this song. Musically it’s the most boring song but lyrically it screams me.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8uamNDLEA0]
Jump
Mar 16th
I have been nudged. Nudged to take my family and jump. I am scared. I am not emotional. But yesterday I was broken. I felt a huge shoving from God. It’s hard to explain through words what I feel deep in my gut, heart, and mind. Have you ever been in a church service and felt as if you are the only one in the audience. Well, I have felt this way for the last few months.
I know God wants not just me but my family as well, to be serving Him within the capacity of missions. I have ran from this guidance for a long long time. I have tried to hide behind other good works. I even started a pursuit at a masters degree in theology to buy more time. Nope, that didn’t help either. Yesterday, I drove to a remote area to try and hear God. Know what I felt Him trying to tell me? “I have nothing else to say until you go.” You see, I know what He wants from me. Heck, He has even given me a dream that excites me. And I still question.
Here is what I am afraid of. I am afraid that I am not good enough. Because I have ran for so long, why would He want to still use me? Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. I am afraid to ask for help as well.
And now, I have this incredible opportunity that has only risen due to God. This opportunity would allow us to minister to a local people and inspire others to do the same. And the people that are knee deep within the ministry are totally rad. I was really fearful that if I became a missionary, I would have to get a new wardrobe, part my hair, grow a mustache, burn my iPod, start collecting white button up shirts and ties. But the people of 6:8 are so genuine, funny, and normal. I could be myself. If you know me, you know that I ain’t changing my personality to please anyone.
So what does this mean? What am I trying to say? I am asking for prayer. I believe God has given us the opportunity to partner with 6:8 Ministries. You’re right, I could be wrong about this whole thing. After a conversation I had with the leadership of the ministry, I don’t think I will ever be 100% sure that this is part of God’s plan. I want this to happen. I believe it can happen. And for crying out loud, What is the worst that could happen!?
I am asking for prayer. If I could take it one step further, may I ask you to pray for my feet. I have heard his voice but I haven’t done anything yet. All I have done is recognized His call. I still have to jump.
Delete
Feb 25th
Hey you Facebook addicts, check this out.
Everybody is all about being “real” these days. Keep it real. Really? I don’t use Faceook and I didn’t use Myspace. I know, I know, I am out of touch with the population. That’s why I attempt to blog. I get to call the shots on here. The majority of the people, I assume, that might stop by, know me personally. So, I have to be real.
I wish someone would do a more calculated study concerning peoples willingness to expose their Facebook page. Is the average user embarrassed by who they are? Are they afraid people will find the facts hidden within their comments false? Is it a pure attempt at gaining the most friends?
If you clicked and read the link above, you noticed the buzz about the difficulty of deleting your account. This made me think of God’s view of the world. As hard as we try we can not hide from God. We can not blend in with the rest of our network unnoticed. God sees all. Basically God is watching a rated R, or even X, lifestyle when He looks down on us. But unlike Facebook the best part about God is that he offers a quick and easy delete button.
Here is a great example of someone who was “real” and pushed the delete button. God forgives, forgets, erases your browsing history, and will even delete your cookies.
