Posts tagged honesty
Tiger Woods did it, now it’s our turn to apologize.
Feb 19th
Tiger Woods stepped up. I don’t feel he needed to publicly apologize to us, as fans. But he did.
Now, I am thinking, “Who do I need to apologize to?” How about you? Because I don’t think that only “big” mistakes deserve apologies.
Praying to a God that I don’t believe in
Feb 10th
I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in…
Is that even possible? The first line makes perfect sense. But the second line…??
This is the first line from that catchy tune, “Breakeven” by The Script. For some reason I’m digging the song because of the first line. I know it sounds odd, for me the Christian guy who believes in God, to like that first line. But I see a ton of truth in the line. I see honesty. I see genuine prayer.
I have always had an issue with prayer. Not that I don’t believe in prayer but because I know that God knows all of my intentions for praying. He knows the reasons behind my prayer. And it scares me. I can’t believe that I am the only person who has prayed something, knowing that “it” wasn’t going to come to fruition.
So I ask myself, is this because I don’t believe in God? Not in His existence, but in His ability to answer prayer.
I find that my most sincere prayers are the ones that begin with myself doubting and having to put my trust back into His hands. I’m learning that prayer isn’t about what I want. Prayer must be about seeking God’s desires. And for me, at its utmost, prayer is seeking guidance through the unknown.
I can’t help but be reminded of Matthew 27:46 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? And these words came out of Jesus’ mouth. Was He doubting? Was he angry? Was he scared? I don’t know and frankly I don’t want to attempt to understand. What I do see is that Jesus needed God. He needed to feel God’s presence. And I have to believe that it happened because of the last statement he made before completing the most indescribable feat in human history – defeating death.
John 19:30 It is finished. Father, into thy hand I commend my spirit.
I pray because I don’t know. I pray because I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing. I pray because sometimes I don’t believe. And I’m not ashamed of that.
The hunter becomes the prey…
Feb 6th
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You may have noticed that I have attempted to swap blog personalities. You know, from the blog that had my name in your URL bar to the blog in your URL bar that is now attempting to kill Pharisees. I was torn between labeling this mess the “Pharisee Killer” or the “Pharisee Hunter”. I really wanted to go with the Pharisee Hunter because I like to hunt. And I thought the title would sound proactive, as if I was out saving the world from Pharisees. As the hunter, I wanted to splash pics of myself pointing a gun and drawing my bow. I had ideas of the background either being typical camo or black like the back of a ninja. (Because that’s the only form of a ninja you see, after the silent wrath, when he’s walking away.)
Labeling someone as a Pharisee is easy.
I was raised in a fairly legalistic church lifestyle. (It’s so easy to throw out the word legalistic, inappropriately.) Khakis, coats, and ties were involved. Hymns were sung, while I flailed my arm around attempting to keep time, as I lead the worship. Every time the doors were open, I was there (Your darn tooting we were there Superbowl night.). I estimate I spent approximately 8-10 hours a week at the church. MTV, what was that? Channel 36 was blocked, but CMT wasn’t. The KJV was THE only inspired version used. I remember seeing other versions being thrown, from the pulpit onto the floor, one Sunday night. Thanks to Kurt Cobain, I guess, all we cared about when I was in youth group was sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll (I remember where I hid my Nirvana and Kid Rock CD’s). Man, life would have been much easier with iTunes.
If death is involved you have to be honest.
One thing you should know about me, I have been pointing my finger at Pharisees and labeling them as targets since I was a teenager. I began calling their bluffs at an early age. I knew what hypocrisy was and I intended to shine light on it. They were the hypocrites and I was their arch nemesis, the rebel kid. It didn’t matter that I was the kid who showed up and everyone knew, or probably were assuming, what I was doing the night before. And since I have been doing this for so long, I can spot a Pharisee, in my scope, from a mile away. But I have to be honest…I’m bitter…I’m angry…and I’m just waiting for that clean head shot. I want these people to KNOW that they are Pharisees.
But the target has changed.
This is actually were the honesty begins. That mirror is waiting on me every morning and when I look into it, I see a Pharisee. The only difference, is that this Pharisee wears t-shirts to church. This Pharisee might spend 3-4 hours a week at church activities. This Pharisee prefers the NIV. This Pharisee thinks that “old-school church” isn’t effective (Isn’t that statement an oxymoron?). This Pharisee doesn’t have a Nirvana CD but now has a 90’s rock playlist on iTunes in which Nirvana can be found. This Pharisee raises his hands. This Pharisee thinks the Charlie Hall Band was born to push the hymnals aside.
The target is now ME. The guy wearing the Converse is now the new Pharisee. The guy who believes that there is nothing wrong with drinking alcohol is now the new Pharisee. The guy with tattoos is the new Pharisee. The guy who uses buzz words like authentic, real, and community is now the new Pharisee. The guy who says he has an audience of One, is full of it and is the new Pharisee.
Stopping the Pharisee epidemic.
All Pharisees, whether they be legalistic or hip, need to repent daily. Every single day. All Pharisees must be willing to follow. And you can’t follow if you’re a Pharisee.
Luke 9:23 Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.24 For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.
All believers in Christ MUST die daily.
1 Corinthians 15:31 31 I die every day–I mean that, brothers–just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I guess I should have named this blog the “Suicidal Pharisee” because I’m going to do my best to kill myself everyday. In essence, the hunter has become the prey…
Spicy Sin
Jan 25th
Spicy. That’s how I like it. No, I’m not talking about sex, although that’s good too. Food. Spicy Food. I put hot sauce on just about everything. I keep three different types of sauce handy at all times. Tabasco; typically for eggs and pizza. Cholula; for Spanish type of foods. And Sriracha (I call it rooster sauce because of the noise you make in the bathroom after partaking.); for anything that is just plain bland.
My wife on the other hand wants no part in spicy food. If we are eating chips and salsa, she dips her chip into sour cream and then puts the chip about millimeter into the salsa. Why not just use ketchup, right?
I notice when I am eating spicy food, especially really spicy food like Vietnamese or Korean, I combat the heat with more heat. It’s like an addiction. Instead of just stopping, I keep shoving. Usually until my tongue is numb or I’m sweating.
This reminds me of sin. If I can get away with the sin, I just keep on trucking. But just like spicy food, sins payback comes at a later date. What goes in must come out. You know what I’m talking about. The fecal position of hell. What’s crazy is that I know this beforehand. Yet I participate anyways.
Maybe I should pray, “God, make the punishment for my sin unbearable, so that I’m reminded not to do [it] again.”
Falter
Dec 18th
I have been having some incredible conversation with a new friend, who happens to be an atheist. And yes, I am totally cool with him being an atheist. Even if he remains an atheist! I believe this has been one of those circumstances that is going to take me further in my faith. Maybe even further than I am comfortable going.
My faith has been shook. You understand what shook means, right? It hasn’t faltered but it has been shook. I have realized that we Christians (well maybe just me) have taken our faith for granted. I believe a lot of people find comfort in the fact that other people believe, what they supposedly believe, and accept it on account of that. I don’t want to say that we should question the “WHAT” we believe (Probably should but that scares the crap out of me.) but I definitely think we should question the “WHY” we believe. In turn, the “why” should lead us back to the “what” (I hope to God).
I understand why this type of thinking is avoided in most circles. I fear that someone may come across all these questions and thoughts (they’re chaotic at best.) and possibly begin to believe the opposite of what I believe. The more these THINGS spin in my head, the more I believe they are necessary. And no I am not sure what “they” are. Meaning the right questions. I can hardly grasp it. (It’s like when Maximus was talking with Julius Ceaser in the movie Gladiator. And Julius described the dream of Rome as a “whisper”. He said if it was anything more than a whisper, the whole idea would vanish.) So I am questioning the “why’s” in a whisper.
I asked my new friend if there were any books that have influenced his stand on atheism. He told me about a book written by Mark Twain, Letters to the Earth. I just read it online. Um, if you claim to follow (follow being a verb) Christ, I say check it out. If you are a “comfortable in your seat at church” type of Christian, don’t even bother. Just keep that seat warm but don’t forget to tithe.
Like I was told, “the book is funny as hell.” (There is irony, satire, and sarcasm in that statement. Especially in light of this conversation. Do you see it?)
I especially like this:
“All sane white people hate noise; yet they have tranquilly accepted this kind of heaven — without thinking, without reflection, without examination — and they actually want to go to it!” (For some reason I thought of all of the white men that I have heard describe rap as noise.)
Please note I am not agreeing with this book. But I believe it will, or at least should, influence those who strive to point people to Christ. What I fear most is that people have quit “growing” their faith. Those people that are good to go (to heaven so they think). And when they even THINK about someone who believes differently, they immediately try to prove them wrong. Well, actually, as I realized from my friend, just cast them to the side. And these people who do the casting used to wear those cute little bracelets with the white letters. Which has gone out of style, the bracelets or the message of the bracelets?
I want you to believe. Believe in God. Believe so emphatically that though your faith may shake, it will never falter. I have a fascination with words (as you can tell I don’t have a fascination with punctuation), as in a words root meaning. I piously like to think this fascination is because of my faith in God and that God is the word and the word is God. But its not the case. I just want to know “why”, I always have. I know, it sounds crazy to me too. “Why would someone want to know why a word means what it means?”. But being the dork that I am, I looked up the word falter. Falter is a 14th century verb with a middle English root.
Falter, F-A-L-T-E-R, Falter. 1. a. To walk unsteadily b. to give way c. to move waveringly or hesitatingly 2. to speak brokenly or weakly 3. a. to hesitate in purpose or action b. to lose drive or effectiveness
Should I say any more? Or can I leave by asking you to describe your faith? Screw that! We don’t have the right to describe our faith. Why don’t we ask the atheist to describe our faith (I bet a word that rhymes with pass slips in)? Dare I say, why don’t we ask God to describe our faith? (If you truly believe that one day you will stand before the creator…this would be the beginning of every question that I would ask a “Christian” if I were a atheist.) Does the word falter fall into your description? Typically in this situation I would ask questions referring to the church as a whole and avoid using the word you. As a believer myself, I know how sensitive we get when someone starts pointing fingers. But screw feelings at this moment. I am talking to you. I am talking to me (this gets weirder and weirder). How’s your faith? I don’t know about you but this definition just kicked me in the junk.
