Posts tagged family
Please say excuse me…
Feb 5th
Every time, my wife gets mad. And it is usually followed by an elbow to the ribs or that, “I’m going to kick you in the_____” look, that wives give. Husbands, you know the one. Every time. Every single time I fart. What is wrong with farting? If I din’t, the gas would just come out the other end and that would cause a smelly burp. Isn’t a smelly fart less gross than a smelly burp? My body is just doing its intended job, right?
So why do you keep telling me to say, “Excuse me.” after I fart? That makes no sense.
If I am walking down the street and I bump into somebody, I understand that I should say, excuse me. That contact could effect the rest of this persons day. They could have been thrown off course. Orange juice could have been spilled like the scene with Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant in the movie Notting Hill. In these situations an “excuse me” is rightly necessary.
But seriously, what is my fart going to do to your day? Yes, there may be an unpleasant odor. Yes, the tone and clarity of the sound made, may be unusual. But does my fart really affect you? I don’t think it does, therefore it does not deserve an “excuse me.” Think about it, my fart might last .9526 seconds, well maybe longer than that but you get the idea, they’re short no matter how you look at it. How is this quick burst of gas going to change your day?
And I got an excuse. Protein. I’m a man. I like fire. I like meat. The combination of these three create the potential for gas. Not to mention the beer, pizza, bacon, and chili sides. It’s a scientific fact. Blame God, not me.
In conclusion, unless my fart causes you to pass out, wreck a car, make you cry, induce vomiting, go into labor, cuss like a sailor, send me to etiquette school, or makes myself gag, I probably will forget to say, “Excuse me.”
Bo Knows
Jan 21st
Bo Jackson was the coolest athlete ever. Ever! Do you know Bo Jackson? Bo knows…
I used to have that poster (↑) on my wall when I was a kid. I admired the heck out of Bo. He played football in the NFL and baseball in the MLB. He was THE stud. And then he got hurt playing football. Because he was hurt on the football field, he couldn’t play baseball. I remember crying. Jackson was on his way to greatness. I believe had he not been injured, he would have been bigger than Michael Jordan or Tiger Woods, in the eyes of marketers. Bo never had the chance to win any championships but he did win the Heisman and was the first athlete to be named to two different professional sports all-star games.
I hope I’m still admired when I’m “gone”. I hope my impact with, whatever I get my hands involved in, will still effect people positively. I hope I can live my double life as passionately. My life as a husband/father and my life as follower. I realize one life affects the other and I hope I can keep the two lives balanced.
A Child's Eyes
Jan 20th
This is my daughter Kyah. This is her favorite friend LaShawnda. Well to Kyah, she is La La. Lashawnda’s mom won a trip to the inauguration so La La is in DC. Lucky!
Kyah doesn’t know that LaShawnda is different. At least, different looking. All Kyah knows is that La La is supposed to pick her up from daycare and that they are to walk back to my wifes classroom. Today, I pray that the world looks past Mr. O’s color and supports his position. Obviously, you do not have to agree with him but at least respect him.
Racism is taught. It is the most unnatural act on earth. I was taught racial tendencies demographically, sexually, and religiously. If you study about every major war, you will find that each stemmed from racial barriers. Can those that have been taught to be racist change?
Kyah, I want to be more like you.
