Archive for March, 2010

How does that saying go? – “…nothing’s fair in love and war.” Is that how it’s stated? Do you agree? I agree. I‘m in the middle of both. “I said WAR!…huh…good God y’all, What is it good for? Absolutely nothing…say it again” If only it was that easy – If somehow I could just avoid the war.

I love MMA and would love the opportunity to wear a title belt. What testosterone filled man-boy doesn’t? At my current weight, I would I have to step in the octagon with Brock Lesnar if I wanted a shot at a belt. And I like Lesnar as a fighter, but he would scare the piss out of me as an opposition. Brock is a genetic freak with boulders for fists. In this scenario, there is no way I could take Brock’s belt. No way. The only way I feel I could hurt him would be for me to kick him in the junk. Of course afterwards, I would run and jump out of the ring and probably hide for the rest of my life.

This is how I feel. I feel like I can fight in this war but there is no way I am going to win. Seriously, I feel like I am in a losing a battle. A no win situation. Yes, I know, I should pray. I should read the bible, I know this. But what if I was to say, I am doing this? How would you respond?

God, I believe, wants my family to live as missionaries in Costa Rica. This is where and when this war has started. This is why I want to quit. This is where nothing seems to be falling into place. Our house isn’t selling. Support isn’t coming in. I am at the point where I have no control. I am feeling serious opposition. But what pisses me off most is that I feel helpless. I can’t throw a hook. I can’t bum rush my opponent. I can’t see him. I can’t shoot him. But I know he is there. (The words that are really coming out of my mouth are being avoided.)

So to you my opposition, I’m calling you out. I haven’t quit yet. I’m still standing. I don’t know who is winning but I know who wins. For the record, my coach doesn’t have a towel to throw in. This is a warning; you are going to have to kill me, to stop me. I know what you are capable of. But do you know what I’m capable of? I’m guessing so. I’m assuming that’s why you are trying to stop me. Better luck next time. Punk.

Sometimes I need a pick-me-up. At times I want a shot of adrenaline. A lot of times I wish I had the availability of a punching bag at my disposal, because it feels good to just punch something. I find energy and relief under a barbell.

When I felt down/stressed/bored my go to remedy was music. And typically I would blare Cowboys from Hell by Pantera or Master of Puppets by Metallica. But if I really needed a kick in the pants I would play Thunderstruck by AC/DC.

I began to realize that I was fighting a battle within myself. But most importantly I was looking for guidance through the wrong outlets. Besides, the battle has already been won and my issues come when I quit standing.

Now my go to tunes are The Stand and Salvation Is Here by Hillsong. And I get just as pumped, maybe even more. My Jesus was meek and humble and described as a lamb but the day He comes back riding a horse, wielding a sword, revealing a tattoo down his thigh…it will be a scary day. (In my mind I picture JC as a mix between Jules Winfield in Pulp Fiction and Maximus Decimus Meridiusin in Gladiator – someone quoting scripture, kicking axe, and taking names.)

You stood before my failure - Carried the cross for my shame - My sin weighed upon Your shoulders - My soul now to stand

God above all the world in motion – God above all my hopes and fears – I don’t care what the world throws at me now – It’s gonna be alright