Archive for September, 2009

I don’t know why I love stuff like this. Maybe it’s because once you commit, you better not look back because you’ll be screwed. I miss the heck out of my Jeep but I couldn’t risk tearing it up like this because it was my daily driver. One day I hope to build and destroy a Jeep. I know it might not be until I’m “retired” but I guarantee by then, I still will think it’s cool.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz2Bi1M58uE]

I’m ready. Physically ready. Mentally ready.

Personally, I am ready. Ready to dare I say, label myself a missionary. I ain’t gonna lie, this has been a long long process. If for some reason you have read some of my previous blogs, you have learned that I have ran from this missionary thing since I was a kid. Then I became comfortable with the idea a few years back but my wife wasn’t ready. Now we are both on the same page. I didn’t force or talk her into anything. We came to this decision individually as partners.

Physically, I have gained 12lbs and moved up 4 notches on my belt. Three months ago when I decided to get back into studly shape, I was on the last notch of my belt. After spending 2 weeks in Costa Rica and experiencing how physically demanding doing ministry with 6:8 would be, I knew I didn’t want my physique to slow me down. Amazingly, I have learned how much my health effects my relationship with my family, God, and others.

Mentally, I couldn’t convince myself that being a missionary is what I am created to do. It didn’t make sense. I have a lot of baggage. And missionaries are supposed to be grounded and always faithful. Right? As soon as I accepted that God wanted to and could use me, I said ok. Ya, just ok. It took me awhile to be enthusiastic because I wanted firm answers to all of my petty questions. I realized God doesn’t give firm answers because that’s what faith is for.

But then there is that funny word. Spiritual. I keep asking myself, “Am I spiritually ready?” I should ooze spirituality. A halo must be seen hovering over my head. Bible verses would flow from tongue as I decipher the reason why my Coke can just exploded in my face. Ha ha, you think I am joking but I really viewed missionaries in this light. I don’t think I am spiritually ready and I hope I never do. As long as I realize that I need to continue striving to become excellent in my spirituality, God will help me grow. As long as I depend on God I will be as ready as I can possibly be.

It was one of those weekends. One that came and went as if you slept throughout it, yet you know sleep was lost. Saturday I got up and flew to Jacksonville. Why? To be interviewed by the board of 6:8 Ministries. Which went great. Thank God I was approved because we have been selling stuff like crazy. It’s official now! I can say we are a part of the 6:8 team. I have been waiting for this interview so that I can begin pan handling for support. I just hope comments like that don’t hinder me.

I flew back Saturday evening as well. The flight from JAX to ATL was the second worst flight I have ever been on. The worst was a flight from Chicago to Jackson, MS. I thought I was going to die. It was like a movie scene. People screaming. Stuff flying through the air. Me hitting my head on the ceiling because I didn’t have a seat belt on. A flight attendant broke her arm on her personal descent. All I know is the plane dropped and crashed onto God’s hands. I say God because I don’t know what else could have stopped us. We land and people are pissed and cussing the pilot. The funny thing was that there were several new Navy recruits on the flight and one of them says, “That’s why I didn’t join the Air Force.”

From JAX to ATL on Saturday, I knew it would be bad because the pilot announced that the flight attendants would not be offering peanuts or soft drinks due to rough air. I am just glad Stephanie wasn’t with on that flight. It was weird too because of the all male flight crew. I wonder if airlines are trying to push men into that typical female industry because of 9/11. I am sitting on the wing. Nothing like watching how flexible a plane wing is. As we are going through massive cloud after massive cloud, I kept hearing James say, “Life is a vapor that comes and goes.” This was just another one of those moments where I saw God’s sense of humor. “Ha, ha.” “I get it God.” “You got the whole world in your hands.” “Funny.”

I love to fly. I don’t fear the pilots ability. I don’t fear the weather. What I start to think about, is the guy that gets under the plane as soon as you hook up to the gate. You know the guy. The one you see sitting on a set of mobile stairs. The guy who looks as if he is either drunk or hasn’t slept in three days. As the plane bounces around, I am thinking, “Did that guy leave a hatch opened?” “Did he top off the fuel?” “Did he leave his flashlight in the engine bay?”

I made it. It’s Monday and now I am waiting to catch a flight to Guatemala on Wednesday.

I hate guilt. Guilt kept me from sleeping last night. I sinned. I directly and indirectly sinned at the same time. Before I actually “sinned” I knew it was going to happen. I haven’t told my wife and she knows nothing about until she reads this. Last night I held my daughter longer than usual on my lap in hopes of comforting myself.

This morning nothing’s changed. I still feel guilty. I still feel ashamed.

Last night at the Y, I ran into a coworker. A coworker who I have always wanted to be able to have a conversation with. A coworker who I have a couple things in common with. He’s an atheist. He was an orphan. I relate to his present and past background very easily.

The conversation was never generated. I failed. I sinned. I lied. Now guilt ensues.

Offense or defense? If I am posed this question, it would depend on what sport we were talking about. Football – I would say D baby. I know the guy standing in the pocket, throwing TD passes usually gets the girl, but look how much fun Polamalu has screaming in off the line to blow up a sweep. Basketball – I would rather run the point as I imitate AI. I don’t think playing defense is allowed in the NBA…is it? Baseball – Well, church league softball is all about putting that beer gut into the swing to park homers. You say, “Beer guts aren’t allowed on my churches team.” I say, “Don’t act like your team doesn’t have a ringer who magically makes it to church during the spring.” Nobody cares about who is playing short stop in church league softball. Soccer – I’m slow so I am gonna stay in the backfield waiting to slide tackle that skinny pretty boy coming off the wing. Hockey – Although back in the day I could play up front, I would probably be better suited staying in the middle with the sole purpose of putting people into the boards.

I read this tweet from @robwegner this morning. Every local church is called 2 the frontline. The local church stands @ the gates of Hell, designed 2B dangerous, not just donors. I love that. “Designed to be dangerous.”

We don’t see ourselves in a game. A game in which the time clock has been running since the beginning of time. A game that would be better described as a war. A game in which the opponent knows their playbook better than Peyton Manning. A game where the only thing on our mind is, “Who’s mommy is bringing the half time snacks?”

In this game. The only game that matters. Are you playing offense or defense?

I love defense for several reasons. Defense plays to protect the team without seeking glory. Defense protects the home field. Defense allows the offense to be more productive.
But, does defense win games? Technically, yes it can. But if the defense is relied on to win usually the outcome is too close for comfort.

In this game that the church is in, I believe we have left it up to the defense to handle our fate. The churches defense is needed. It’s needed to protect, nurture, and rehabilitate its people. But, the defense doesn’t bring us closer to victory. Playing only defense makes us look selfishly “good.”

To win the game we need some points. Actually, I think we are behind. We need our fourth quarter, two minute team on the field. We must be proactive. Like Rob says, “We need to be dangerous.” The most dangerous thing a team can do on any field is control the clock. You cannot control the clock on defense. Amazingly, our head coach has the stopwatch in His hand. Yet we worry about playing defense. The cliché is and has been said many times, “We have already one.” Maybe that’s why we prefer to play D. If we have already won, there is no need to put more points on the board. Right?

So how do we play offense? I say we imitate our general. Jesus was the most offensive minded team player. Jesus found the fight. He didn’t wait until the fight came to Him. I guarantee he never sat in the stands holding a sign either.